Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
