You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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