I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
