U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
