smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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