I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
