Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
