Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
