you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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