I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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