I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
