Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
