god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
