Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
