PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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