the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
