It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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