the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just invented taco cereal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize