Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
