Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize