I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
