We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
