Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
