I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize