Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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