she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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