do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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