i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
