Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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