Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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