Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
