I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
