yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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