I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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