Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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