I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
