My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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