there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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