I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
