I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
