O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize