people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
