We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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