Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
