If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
