dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
