just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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