Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
