Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
