Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
