Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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