i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
