my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
