I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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