Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
