Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
