Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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