"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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