i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
