after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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