Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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