Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize