If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
someone owes me an orgasm
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
