I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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