Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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