so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
