i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
