i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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