Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
