I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
God, I missed his penis.
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