Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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