Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
