Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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