Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
