Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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