I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize