the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
