she looked like the before picture.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
