is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
