I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
