Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Terrible idea I love it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
