did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I will die if light touches me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
