he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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