The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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