i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
