if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
