I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
