I think i peed on brittanys purse
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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